LOVING WHAT YOU ALREADY HAVE

A Stoic Approach to Finding Happiness

We all want to be happy. Yet, there so often appears to be a chasm between where we are and our happiness. It’s incessantly out there – as something that we are chasing.

We might think, “If only, and only if, I get that mansion with the turrets and gargoyle statue … or the lead role in that rom-com … or that dashing bachelor with the man bun, well, then I’ll be happy.”

But, of course, only moments after we cut the ribbon off that box, our gaze refocuses on a shiny new object on the horizon. The chasm gapes back open. And, once again, we find ourselves trudging away on a hedonic treadmill trying to satisfy an insatiable appetite.

There seems to always be a gap between one and one’s happiness. One way to eliminate that gap is by continually chasing the desired things. But this solution provides only ephemeral results, as there is always another conquest.

The other method of eliminating the gap is the focus of a Stoic meditation. We concentrate on “wanting what we already have.”

You can do this by envisioning something you cherish that you currently have. This could be a job or an heirloom or even a loved one — and then imagine losing it or him or her. You sit for a while in the deep sorrow of this imagined loss.

This sounds like it could be somewhat morose. But, eventually, you come back to a cheerful realization that you actually have this thing in your life.

As you contemplate the preciousness of what you have, you will notice how your appreciation for it swells and how gratitude wells up from under the crust of consciousness.

The lesson: The gap between you and your happiness begins to dissipate when you start to love what you already have.

Stoicism is filled with these contemplations. They can be sometimes understood as negative visualizations – but they are not morbid. They breed gratitude and resilience.

I’ve launched a series of Stoic meditations that are available here as part of my paid Substack offering.

My initial introduction to Stoicism came courtesy of my wife, Schuyler, who often calls me “stoic” due to my somewhat unflappable demeanor in response to chaos and adversity. Someday, there will be a portrait of me working meditatively at the kitchen table while my three daughters and a baker’s dozen of their friends whirl the blender and throw slime at me.

The unemotional endurance of hardship, however, belies the true nature of Stoicism, which is best described as a dynamic philosophy of personal ethics founded by Zeno of Citium in the 3rd century BC.

At its core, Stoicism is a system of logic and rationality applied to virtue. Stoicism lays out a path to eudaimonia — Greek for flourishing or well-being. Eudaimonia is achieved through living an ethical life, one in accordance with nature and practicing the cardinal virtues of wisdom, justice, courage, and moderation. I untangle these virtues at some length in the program.

The exercises in my Stoic Meditations course are loosely framed around three critical disciplines that are central to Stoicism: Perception, Action, and Will. By refining the discipline of perception, we find mental clarity. By engaging in action that is ethical and just, we find purpose. And by exercising will, we learn how to identify and manage the things we cannot change, attain discernment, and find the resilience to deal with life’s challenges.

Stoicism is rife with aphorisms often derived from the oratory and screeds of the three most famous Stoics: Seneca, Epictetus, and Marcus Aurelius. In fact, the repetitive recitation of these aphorisms is part of instilling the Stoic ethos. So, the program — and Stoicism, in general — is laced with wise maxims that can serve as mantras. Sometimes, I find it helpful to repeat these adages quietly to myself to establish neural networks around them. The feeling of these axioms begins to sink in through their repetition.

Stoic meditations are more like active contemplations versus Buddhist mindfulness practices like Vipassana. While meditation should not be confused with the cessation of thought, one of its goals is to tame the “monkey mind”: the notion that branches are thoughts and you are swinging wildly from one to the other like a runaway primate. I think we can all point to moments where we feel a lot of cognitive chaos. Meditation can reduce and slow down the number of cars on your mental highway, such that you can simply witness each thought appear and dissipate without assigning it any valence or salience. In contrast, Stoic practices are more about concentrated attention on one thought or idea, such that a positive emotional state arises.

On the surface, many Stoic contemplations can appear grim and morose in nature. Generally, humans feel a certain uneasiness in reflecting on their own mortality or imagining the loss of something treasured. We’re just not trained to emotionally confront death or loss or grief. If anything, we are taught to ignore thoughts that elicit discomfort. But, of course, at some juncture, we must confront them.

Some people refer to Stoic practices as negative visualizations. I consider them perspective enhancements, for in the process of untangling these thought experiments, a clear and galvanizing perspective on life emerges. You really begin to focus on what makes life worthwhile in the first place, and this remembrance begins to punctuate your life through the behaviors you start to adopt.

While I do suggest engaging in the following Stoic practices in a quiet place where you can focus, you don’t have to get too sanctimonious about constructing a crystal-laden puja or buying the right incense. You can practice these contemplations on a plane, in a taxi, or while you wait in line at the grocery store. Personally, I love walking while working through Stoic practices.

In the end, you don’t want these ideas to be simply confined to your sacred time. You want them integrated into your quotidian life, to internalize them as part of your character.

Marcus Aurelius penned this exhortation in his famous personal writings known as Meditations: “This is the mark of perfection of character — to spend each day as if it were your last, without frenzy, laziness, or any pretending.”

So, in this spirit, I hope you enjoy the Stoic meditations offered in this course on Substack.

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Want to Go Deeper with Stoicism?

If today’s reflection resonates, you’ll love my Stoic Meditations course — available to all paid Substack subscribers. This series offers guided contemplations rooted in the timeless wisdom of Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, and Epictetus, designed to bring clarity, courage, and calm into your daily life.

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